I’m the one who killed him, in case you were wondering. You probably recognize the dead man on the floor as Wayne Flowers.
“Do I have your attention?” the voice asked. I moved the fingers-still warm-and pressed play. The fist was curled around a small tape recorder. And by one of the hands the blood was smeared into a weird pattern. It might have been only asleep, really, if it weren’t for the blood. I moved to get a better view of the body. The fluorescent lights in the white room flickered and buzzed and hummed. The tips of his curly black hair were wet with it. He was lying facedown in a wide, red puddle that spread out from beneath him. Four lights slammed on above me, one after the other, illuminating the dead body on the floor just a few feet away. I found one without even having to stand. Those instincts were dead, and I was calm as my wet fingers slid up the tiled wall, groping for a light switch. I didn’t feel the urge to scream or speak, to beg for help, or even to wonder where I was. The second thing I noticed was that this didn’t bother me the way it should have.
THE FIRST THING I NOTICED when I woke up was that I was covered in blood. And when you go to him, you will be.”īut if I am not myself yet, then who am I? I thought. “Why does the white man pay for me?” I had once asked Uncle, after a trip to Calcutta for my inspection. I ran my fingers over her seams, touched the spot of Sister’s blood that marked her wrist, and wondered what shape my new life without Sister would take. I took out my doll from beneath my pillow, where I hid her during the day. The night before I was to leave, I laid my new things in my new small trunk with great care. My body softened after a week in the city, after stuffing myself whenever I wanted with glistening, steaming sweet and spicy foods. He left me a purse with my own coins, and I bought new clothes and food I did not have to prepare. It would leave the following week, and I was to entertain myself until then.Īnd I did. Barbary had booked my passage on the first available ship. His widow had been informed of my existence and had agreed to take me in, as he would have someday. Barbary appeared at the door to inform me that my benefactor had died the previous week, but not to worry as he had provided for me in the event of his death. I felt as though I had shed my skin like a snake, and this new skin would carry me to my new life. I marveled at the foam on my skin, the lather in my hair, and when I was finished, I climbed into bed naked, and let the air dry my body. I bathed in clean water that night, and scrubbed my body with milled, formed soap, a luxury I had learned of but not experienced.
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